Who knew?

I've been embarrassed about our 'weed bed' since we moved to Hepburn. There are all sorts of pristine yards, avid gardeners, amazing home-makers living in our town.. We live on possibly the highest traffic corner of Hepburn, and we have this mess of a thing right in everyone's line of sight as they come into town. To make it worse, our shed doors are always open, revealing the mess of carp (that's the Hepburn version of 'crap') for all to see. It's such an intimidating mess, and I haven't had energy or brain-space to contemplate making it right. Brendan would say "huh? what mess?", so he's not much help either.

A few days ago, I was quite shocked to discover that my weedbed is not actually that bad ...

It's a sea of daisies. I had heard that it was once a wildflower garden, but we didn't live here to see the daisies last year. Hmmmm .....

I made the connection to something I've been dwelling on this week: uniformity. (Maybe conformity? not sure.) Jeff (our awesome pastor) talked last week about the kind of spirituality Christians sometimes practice. It's sort of this accessory to our life. I had used a similar description in a paper I wrote on marriage spirituality. Jeff described a spirituality that is 'picked up' in order to live out our faith. We take it along with us as we move through life. He illustrated this point with various shapes and sizes of suitcases, one marked with the word 'christian spirituality'. A hurried person walked along, observed the 'Christianity' case, liked it, and picked it up. But it jostled everything else he was carrying, and a couple of other things had to be left behind in order to manage it all. That sounds about right. I know that was my early understanding of faith lived out. The appeal is that the accessories are uniform ... Mine might be smaller or bigger than yours, yours might be browner or pinker than mine, but they're really quite similar. The analogy in practice is that our faith expressions are so similar to one another ... we go to church, we read the right books, we believe the right things, we accept and reject the same things, we use a consistent language to talk about our spirituality.

But is our with-god life really supposed to be something we carry around with us? Or is it already inside of us? If so, then it's not so uniform, maybe. Then it might look really different from you to me and still be okay. Then, maybe, just maybe, its not about what I do (practice disciplines, have devotions, pray right, believe right , ......) but who I am? or yikes... how I am?

Before I get back to how the garden of weeds reminded me of this, a reflection.

I struggled so hard at first when working in the inner city. I met these people, these families that were so broken. Kids had been apprehended from their parents. Men weren't around - lots of times they were in jail, or just inconsistently involved. Drugs being bought and sold, used, right under my nose. At first, I wanted to fix these families. I figured, we've got it figured out, us suburbanites. Clean houses and yards, decent paying jobs, complete families, SUCCESS... I just needed to help my new friends figure it out. I had no shortage of determination to do just that. After a while, though, they still weren't figuring it out.

I decided I needed to work harder, clearly, I was failing at this being a Christian Missionary thing. A funny thing happened, though. Spending time with these people I wanted to fix caused me to do something weird. I started to love them... and I saw their scars, I even felt their pain. And I realized that while everything wasn't right in their homes and families... everything wasn't wrong, either. There was beauty in their laughter, in their trust, in their generosity, in their acceptance of a funny little french girl who knocked on the door to chat every week. (okay, so I'm not so little, and I often didn't knock.) It took a while, but I realized a few things: wanting them to be like me was wrong. Thinking that I had the answers was wrong. Being blind to what I could learn from them was wrong. All these wrongs made me really judgemental. All those plans for them from the society they're part of is probably a big part of why things are the way they are. All those things were like accessories that I thought their lives should have. And because my faith was something that I carried with me (if I'd had my devotions that morning), I wanted to share that great accessory with them most of all. I wanted them to like it and pick it up and take it with them just like I had.

Eventually, I realized that they could love God like I do.. and still be so broken that they make some pretty bad life choices. After a while I realized that my bad life choices might look nicer (idolizing/coveting nice yards or homes, for example), but while I justified it in my heart and mind over and over again, I was committing the sin of not loving my neighbor by being judgemental . In God's eyes, I am not better. I'm going to type that again... In God's eyes, I'm not better ... than someone who is struggling with a drug addiction or a promiscuous lifestyle. It's basic, but I don't know why I need such frequent reminders of this profound truth.

that weed bed is a little sea of daisies for a couple of weeks in June. The rest of the time, its a mess. Today, I decided that I'm not going to use the round up I bought at Home Depot last week. I'm going to keep that messy weed bed around, and hopefully be reminded that having daisies for two weeks every year is enough. And being sometimes beautiful and sometimes not is all any of us has to offer.

Grumpy days

We all have them, right? Days when nothing goes right, and the world seems bleaker than the day before? (Isn't it amazing how often the weather is actually bleaker on those days too?)

I've got this transparency commitment that I made to myself. I refuse to succumb to the temptation to fake it. So, on days like today, a supreme-o Oscar-fest (as in the guy who lives in a garbage can on Sesame Street), if you ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: grouchy. No, Grouchy. And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you that, too.

But, I'm having second thoughts. I'm philosophical about it all of a sudden. Maybe we should fake it. Maybe I'm not rejoicing in my circumstances if I'm grumpy. Maybe I shouldn't ever get grumpy. (if that's the case, then I'm a real mess!) Maybe I'm lacking a thankful heart when I'm a grouch. And maybe sharing that doesn't honor God. (Ouch.)

My transparency commitment is a result of all the dishonest communication I've observed in my life. People just aren't honest with each other, and it seems like it would be so much better if we just told each other the truth instead of conforming to this unwritten social code that has never been written down but everyone knows and follows.

And, I'm just as open about the great things.. if you catch me on an Elmo day (as in the red guy on Sesame Street who is always learning, giggling, and is generally intoxicatingly happy) and ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: Great!
And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you just what I'm thrilled about or thankful for.

Are these ups and downs because I'm female? Should I make it a goal to be more stable so this is a non issue?

And if being more transparent is the way to go, then what is the right response to someone who tells you they're grumpy?
Well, I'll tell how both how I respond to others and the response I appreciate. Actually, they're the same... just acknowledge it. You know, a hug, a smile, a few words of encouragement, a quick phone call later in the day.

But really, I'm interested in what YOU think... should we be honest with each other, or not?

a little break for dreamin'

So, its Saturday afternoon and it's gorgeous outside, and I'm sitting at work doing the budget for next year. I like doing budgets.. and I love to work lots .. (probably unhealthily so...) but today I'm kinda wishing this was done. I'm hitting a bit of a wall after a few hours of staring at spreadsheets, so I figured I'd take a break.

I'm sitting at my desk dreaming of going to Otter Falls in a few short weeks.... Otter Falls is a little resort area on Dorothy Lake? Eleanor Lake? Not sure, but it's in the Whiteshell, which is a provincial park on the Manitoba/Ontario border. My three sisters and our families, and our dad, head out there for the first week in July every year. We rent two side by side cabins, equipped with hot tubs and a view.. we're surrounded by water on three sides. If we don't want to swim right at our cabin, there are at least 4 nice beaches within a short drive or long-ish bike ride.

The TransCanada trail is going through the Whiteshell, so its nice to see that develop a little each year. After a massive storm in May last year, there were still fallen trees along the path I like to ride my bike on, it was an adventure!

Our week of vacation includes lots of reading, eating, visiting, bike riding, strolls, and even a shopping trip into Lac du Bonnet. (anglicized to be 'lack-de-bonnie by Manitobans!) Last year I bought my interview dress for Bethany in Lac du Bonnet... at a skateboard shop! (I hope it starts to fit again soon....!!)


Anyway, here are a couple of shots of previous holidays at Otter Falls... the first one is the whole fam out for ice cream, and the second one is of a bunch of cousins enjoying the hot tub. The pic at the top of the post is of one of my favorite brothers :o) .. He was fishing at dusk, that is right outside of the cabin. Nice, hey?

The best part of this little holiday is spending time with family!

a personalized/paraphrased prayer to start the week..

God in heaven
help us to know who you really are
and to truly worship you
make us to see the Truth
and make our world more full of you and your goodness
give us all that we need
and help us to recognize that more than that is not better
keep forgiving us, even though we understand so little of what that means
grow our ability to forgive eachother, make us gracious, loving, and open
lead us closer and closer to you, and protect us from the evil one
protect us from the selfishness within us - show us what wholeness really is.
You are our King.

untitled

Life continues at a steady pace for us... here's some of what we're up to;

Our little girl turns 11 tomorrow.. can't believe how fast the time has gone by!  she has changed so much since we moved to Hepburn.  The dr. actually said she thinks Syd is as tall as she'll ever be.  I doubt that, but couldn't believe it might  be true!

Bren and O are off to Edmonton for YC tomorrow.  I think Bren plans to have  mustache for the weekend. Ick.  They will have lots of fun together. 

Karen and Bry visited hepburn last weekend, it was awesome!  I took Eryka on a few little walks, she even wandered over to the Jeschkes to give her cousins a good night kiss on Saturday night.  It is so good to share our life here with family from Winnipeg.  The only un-awesome thing about the visit was Bry's mustache.  (is there a theme here?)  he's growing it for the grad photos for the training he'll soon be finishing, but I could hardly look at him without laughing.  We all held the baby lots, I'm sure she is now accustomed to being held and won't let Karen put her down all week.  On Sunday, we visited the crooked bush and the big tree, SK landmarks  :o)  Then we had ice cream in Blaine Lake.

Bren is enjoying work. After a board meeting this week, he was commenting on how supported he has felt in his role.

A new finance person will be starting next week at Bethany, and we're exploring a couple of options for some other open positions too - its very exciting to think of having some of the vacancies that have been around for a while filled.  I told someone today that my office may soon have an aura of calm productivity instead of disorganized chaos.  I hope......

Thanks for staying in touch with us and reading.   

Here's a 'hmmmmm' from earlier this week:

"(We) enter churches with the same mind-set as when we enter the shopping mall - 

to get something that will please us or satisfy an appetite or need. 

 John Calvin saw the human heart as a relentlessly efficient factory for producing idols.  

With the development of assembly-line mass production, 

we are putting these idols out in great quantities ... 

to suit every taste. John Calvin's insight plus 

Henry Ford's technology equals North American Religion." 

Peterson, Living the Message

A Modern Psalm?

Disclaimer: This is meant to be funny, so please don't be offended!

Bethany had the first of two spring planning meetings last week. One of our tasks while in small groups was to compose a psalm. Here is one example:

A Psalm of X's group

(When they were in the Valley of the Mall surrounded by black boulders)
-for the strategic planner

O Lord, how lovely is the spring time, a time for missions, visions and core values.
Lord have mercy, we are mired in the bog of SWOT
but in your kindness we are surrounded by many strengths,

like sweet honey flowing from a beard.
We confess our communications weaknesses but, by your grace,

we are overwhelmed by countless opportunities.
O Lord, in your mercy remove the threats around us,
And now Lord may the visions of our leaders and the

measurable outcomes of our planning be acceptable in your sight.

[black boulders = leather furniture :o)]

...And some people think strategic planning is no fun!

...some of the greatest people

... in the whole world live in Hepburn. Yup, I'm sure of it.

I just read Gil's most recent post; check it out here. Gil has this awesome way of making complicated things sound easy, thats probably why he is such a great teacher and is so appreciated by the students.

Earlier today, I had lunch with Neil, and we had great conversation about many interesting and diverse topics - like Canadian immigration and driving halfway to Pluto to buy lawn tractors.

Prior to that I met with one of the department heads at Bethany and we had a really helpful chat that inspired me. She makes multi tasking and keeping things organized look like a walk in the park on a sunny day. Our meeting ended with prayer and left me feeling like Someone much bigger than us had ordained our time together.

The day ended with some great encouragement from my new boss, Rick. I'm learning a lot from him and appreciate him more all the time.

I also had a great conversation with Wayne today, he doesn't actually live in Hepburn, he was my boss in Winnipeg. He's been undergoing cancer treatment for the past few months, and he called to let me know that the most recent scan revealed NO signs of cancer. He was pretty thrilled to be sharing that news!

So it was a great day of realizing how blessed I am/we are, how great it is to be in relationship with other people, as different as we all are.

Procrastination

hmmmm... Let's see.  I have laundry to do.  Dishes to wash.  Clothes to unpack.  Prep for the auditor coming to Bethany tomorrow.  Papers to write.  What should I do... oh, of course, post something on our blog!!

Soccer has started in Hepburn, and Bren, Owen, and even I have gotten involved.. Bren has been doing a little helping with Paul's team, and I'm helping out with the coaching of Owen's team.  (stop laughing!)  Sydney's involvement will be to be a cheerleader from the sides!

This past weekend I spent 4 days doing some training in Regina.  I took 2 of 4 modules of Leadership training through Next Level Leadership.  It was so good!  Everything I learned has personal and professional application.  Lots of it was 'refresher' type stuff, but it's always good to be reminded of the helpful tools that one can use for problem solving, conflict resolution, team building.. One section used Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.. I was impressed that it has practical application... I thought it was just an Organizational Behaviour lesson that would never resurface in the real world!  But this tool showed how we can see how an employee would move towards having a complete understanding and commitment to the mission of their organization.  Maybe I should have learned that in OB, but all I remember is thinking that Maslow was as relevant as trigonometry.  

I met some awesome people who I hope to keep in touch with... amazing how you can develop a connection with someone in a few days.  My list of must read books got longer, I filled two sticky notes with recommended reading from this training.   And, both facilitators were from Christian Higher Education professional backgrounds... One was a former Dean of Students at Tyndale, the other works at MacMaster Seminary.   I was introduced to this ministry in Regina called Tapestry and I was blessed by their contribution and commitment to authentic spirituality.  I learned a lot from their President, Gloria, as I watched her interact with the women she mentors and disciples.  

I just remembered that we're on deck for bringing supper to Tim, Kels and Alexis tomorrow, so that's all for today.

nostalgia

A quick post about our very quick visit to Winnipeg over the weekend... we had a very packed few days.

Friday night, we took in KPAC's worship arts cafe.  It was awesome... this is an annual production put on by the Worship pastor at the church we went to in Winnipeg.  The first 'act' was Japanese drumming by the Fubuki Daiko troupe in training.  It was really great. 

 I have to say that the highlight of the evening  (at least for me) was Neil.  Neil is this guy who was baptised about a year ago, and he has this amazing story of being lost and searching....and then finding what he'd been looking for.  A persistent friend said 'I'm sticking with you while you search and fail and fall on your face, because I know what you're searching for and I want to be right beside you when you're ready to grasp it.'  Eventually, Neil was ready, and he plugged into a church home, a men's group, even moved in with a family from his faith community.  On Friday night, there was Neil, singing his heart out with the Choir.  They did a song with a repeated chorus of Alleluias and somehow I only heard Neils voice singing those praises!  He is a tremendous inspiration and I love seeing the fruit of his growing relationship with his Creator.

  

Saturday, the kids and I helped out with the Variety Gala set up, an annual thing we always did that we didn't have to miss out on this year!  It was fun, although we didn't get to do the table setting that had become the kids annual job.  instead we tied ribbons on plants.  Many, many artificial shrubs and greenery type stuff.    Then Bren and I went to the Gala in the evening.  It was nice, and I really miss working at Variety.. but don't worry Rosy, there was no one wooing us back!  We had decided last year to do a live auction for Variety's special needs program at this year's gala, and they stuck with that idea.  Would you believe they  raised about $6o,000 in about 15 minutes?  They auctioned off Play Centre items for Cancer care Manitoba, Parent support software for the Victoria Speech and Hearing Clinic, a boat for Camp, a Wig for a preschooler, tons of other stuff.  What a blessing it was to see all the skepticism about having an auction like this put to rest!  We've always done auctions for jewels, trips, a Vespa once, ... I was so impressed that folks opened their wallets even more for an auction that didn't provide any personal benefit at all.  We really enjoyed seeing all the volunteers, the committee, .. we got lots of hugs and kisses and felt very welcomed!  And Monty Hall was there, that was cool!  We'd met him at a different event a few years ago.

Sunday we went to Fort Garry MB, where we attended for many years until we moved to the inner city and went to church there for a while.  They've added on and have an awesome building now.  The Bethany players were there, and this was our first time seeing them.  I had hoped that some of my family would come and see them, but everyone had stuff going on...

we also saw lots of familiar faces from the past there!  And the Players (and Doug!) delivered a great message.  I think if I had to choose,  my favorite thing was the flagging. 

Monday, we drove home in time to go to the YFC Saskatoon banquet.. they have an AMAZING ministry.  I was really struck with the way that they (seemingly effortlessly) combine outreach to youth who are not yet believers with leadership development of youth who demonstrate deep commitment and faith... 

The REASON for our trip was of course a new baby in the family.. so we all enjoyed every minute that we spent with Haily.  I slept with her a little each night, then brought her to mom when she was ready to eat.  I did that with TJ last year, too.  I wonder if Karen will let me sleep with her in July.. although we don't usually share a cabin.. hmmm.?!?

Thats our whirlwind weekend in a few paragraphs.  Thanks for reading and staying in touch with us.

take care.

untitled

I re-read that last blog and decided to post tonight just because there are so many typos in that last post and it shouldn't be the first thing anyone sees. I could log on and fix them, or just put something new up.. what to say?!!?? I'll tell you a bit about our week.


It's late here in Hepburn, but we have a basement full of men yelling at our TV. This actually happens quite often - one would think we've encouraged it or something. Usually late at night or early on Saturday mornings. They're all pretty funny. Gil yells as if his team can hear him.. from Calgary, Liverpool, wherever. I'm not sure why he supports all these people he routinely calls idiots.... or IDIOTS!!!


Paul is also pretty funny. He just told Brendan to sit down and stop with the shenanigans. Thats a pretty big word, shenanigans.


Earlier, I went downstairs to get some chips and Jeff was reading a book while watching. Haven't seen that before...



We are going to winnipeg again this coming weekend, we can't wait to meet Haily, Karen's newest little one. And drink coffee with Eryka. And visit with everyone, reconnect a little bit. We've actually been to Winnipeg almost every month since we left. I've flown twice, Bren's flown once, and we've driven four times. I don't think we'll be doing this again!





We're toying with the idea of building a house. I know, its crazy. i've always thought that Brendan and I would kill each other if we had to undertake a project like that. Or it'll make us stronger.. I'm not sure it's a good idea to investigate which way it would go.. but there is some appeal that has never existed before.





I got an extension on my course to get three major papers and 3 minor assignments done by June 9th. I literally have that much work to do, since I've restarted the two papers I've begun several times each. My course 'tutor' gave me the following advice about my topic and initial work : "Its like you're trying to put three elephants into a Nalgene water bottle" - I think he means for me to narrow my topic significantly. I guess that explains why I've been so frustrated. And why an undergrad degree is actually a good idea.





Bethany is officially empty of students. today was the first day without them. Its going to be a long 4 months. Its looking good for having my department fully staffed again though, I interviewed two great candidates today and just need to discern who is the right one. Its almost too good to be true.. I am so excited to develop this little team. And it'll be nice to delegate some of that LONG to-do list, too!





Goodnight.

Baby Haily

Eryka meets her new sister

finishing the thought from previous post.. and other randomness

A couple of weeks ago, Brendan and I picked up the mail and the front cover made my eyes hurt. Jesus has an identity crisis, according to the headline... huh? Why is everything about Jesus OUTRAGEOUS unless its in a publication called "Christianweek" or some like thing? Really ....
to be honest, I had typed a post about this last weekend, and then I lost it completely. I have troubles with blogger. (and other technology) The post I lost was obviously not meant to be. What I really think our (collective) response should be ... and this is my prayer... is captured in the words of a worship song. This song was playing in my head all week, and then we actually sang part of it in church last Sunday.

Men of faith rise up and sing

Rise up women of the truth

Rise up church with broken wings

This song encourages us -the church and its people - to contemplate and act... Maybe we've done enough sitting and being complacent? Maybe we should have a really big problem with articles like this, and the way our faith is portrayed in the media?

Other random stuff:

Work is wonderful chaos this week. Students will soon be leaving, and I am feeling pretty empty knowing that the college will soon be a lonely place. But, this weekend hasn't arrived yet and there is much to do.. grad, concert choir and commencement this weekend.. and Angie and her fiance Kyle are staying at our place so the house is as full as the schedule!

My Regent class is not going well.. I've written and re-written my first paper several times and I feel like a schmuck. I had this expectation that was totally wrong, and now I have to adjust my thinking to the reality rather than the way I thought it would. Thing was, I had been dreaming about the day I'd take this course from Regent for 10 years ... so, I guess I'll be asking for an extension and having my laptop surgically implanted at the end of my fingers for even longer. hurray!

Sydney did a speech for 4H today about using her singing voice and taking voice lessons. It was awesome.. she said something about being able to lose herself in singing, and what a sense of accomplishment it is to see her own improvement. I remember asking God a long time ago to show us those things about our kids that would be their safe place, their place of giftedness, a source of confidence, something that was in them only because He had made it so. For Sydney it was singing, and to hear her heart about it was awesome! She also danced in her recital in Waldheim last weekend and did an excellent job.

thats all for now... if you're a reader, let me know as I'm contemplating different options in blogging..

Incensed... 1.5?!?

I'm planning to blog about the Macleans article about Christ's identity crisis, because its bugging me. In the meantime, I had an interesting discussion today that intersected a previous entry .. so I figured I'd post about it real quick...

today, I had a great opportunity to chat with a Bethany student in his first year. I've been impressed with this young man since the beginning of the year.. wait, to be honest ALL of our students impress me. Actually, since I'm on the topic, can I just say that I Love working at Bethany, and I really appreciate the opportunity to see God at work in the lives of our students. He's speaking, and they're listening. And it shows. And they care, really deeply about the world. They have that in common with each other, although the expressions of their compassion and care are incredibly diverse.. all over the map, so to speak!
we're chatting in my office while he's biding time to the friday night plans he has with a buddy, and the conversation is about ministry, opportunities, ways to serve, and then there's a lull. So I leaned back in my chair, and asked if I could ask his opinion about something... so I said 'what do you think about all the noise about women and leadership?'
this clever young man doesn't miss a beat, he responds (clearly having spent some time thinking about this topic) "everyone should use their gifts, and I have no problem if a woman uses hers and that means she's my pastor... what I have a problem with is if she thinks it's her RIGHT to be my pastor, and she's more interested in having that right than she is in serving God."
Wow. I'm recording this just incase I ever doubt that tomorrow's church is in very good hands.

Incensed

incense: to inflame with wrath; make angry; enrage (according to dictionary.com)  

I've had two occasions where I've felt 'incensed' recently.  Neither of them involved commerce in the temple, so I'll admit right off that at least one of the occasions was an un-holy anger.

This idea of women in leadership, particularly senior leadership - I used to think it was someone else's cause.  I've been a pretty happy neutral on that one.  But recently I had a discussion with someone.. a male someone... who said he could never, ever disobey scripture and submit to female spiritual leadership.  I almost swallowed my tongue.  I was INCENSED... as in inflamed (hey, could the dictionary be wrong; shouldn't it be enflamed?) with anger.

How about the rest of scripture we routinely disobey??

 (I think my heightened awareness comes from a paper I'm writing about consumerism.  I thought it would be a good idea to contrast the American Dream and the words of Christ, since North America is known simultaneously as a Christian Nation and a Wealthy Nation.  What I'm realizing is that there is a huge difference in these two 'gospels' - yet we manage to find ways to say that we embrace and follow both.  Considering that Jesus said we couldn't love God and mammon, this has been a challenging realization for me. )

Anyway, back to how this relates to women/leadership - I lost my marbles when the comment about obedience to scripture was made.  Because sometimes I think we simply don't live out obedience in the areas that seemed to be closest to the heart of Jesus.  I think maybe we're supposed to look and live really differently than the people who don't know God.  

But we sure know how to play that 'obedience' card when it suits us.  And we know how to take certain passages and say they're relevant for all time, while saying that others aren't relevant in our day.  (Met any slave-owners lately?)  Its that contradiction that makes my blood boil.  Is it possible that we adjust the message of Jesus to our worldview instead of letting Jesus' message BE our worldview?  

(and if anyone named bubba is reading this, the anger was directed at the principle, not the person!)

Incensed #2 to follow..

What we're up to - Photo Blog

These shots are in no particular order since I am inept with blogger photo uploads.

Above: Eryka with the new babies Syd brought from Hepburn.
During the visit from our Winnipeg neigbors; Syd, Kinka, and Abby; New friends, old friends!
Liza and the Kilcona choir did an awesome job on Easter Sunday.
The robes were great!

Mixin' up the cousins!
What do you do with the abundance of Easter Chocolate?

Have a fondue! Syd and friends had one last week.

Somehow, a mini airsoft war happened inside our house.

Owen decided to prepare himself. He's a good pacifist.

Tina and I made pumpkin cupcakes.

Daniel's Angels?!

The cousins, Easter Weekend in Wpg.

Syd and Eryka.

Breakfast with lots of great friends!

Karen made Resurrection Cookies.

A while back, we made la tire - French canadian toffee in the snow.

Trev came over. But his head was on fire, so he didn't stay long.

A visit at Memere's - those are all the grad photos of her grandchildren.

I'm way up in the top corner.

TJ's first guitar lesson. Ted was proud.

Next post in the works: some reflecting about women and leadership and Have you seen the most recent Macleans?!?

Lenten Journey (kelly)

I usually try to observe lent in some way. The purpose isn't to give up something, but to have a deeper identification with Christ's journey to the cross. Very early this season, I was not feeling very lent-like. I was searching within myself for sombre feelings, but instead kept bumping into these jubilant, buoyant feelings. It was like the inside of me was saying :"I know the end of the story! Easter is coming! All is well, there is a Redeemer and I'm redeemed!" But I still kept looking within, wanting to connect with the Redeemer's journey somehow.

Well, it wasn't immediate, but after very few days, those buoyant, joyful feelings were gone. Disappeared! All of a sudden I was trying to re-connect with those emotions and I couldn't hardly remember them! I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper, farther from joy. My prayers felt empty, unanswered, and things in my days were definitely darker. There was a heaviness that I just couldn't escape. It lasted until recently, when I've slowly started to feel more like myself, and I've had a sense of connecting with God again, which I really missed!

This morning it dawned on me: my lenten prayer was answered.. I did journey towards Easter with some concept of sorrow and grief. Even some doubt. I know my griefs and sorrows are not much compared to what Jesus faced as He moved toward the cross, but I definitely have a deeper sense of his progression, and I have a little, wee taste of what abandonment he felt as the Father turned His face away.

Joy is returning, but I am so thankful for an opportunity to experience a smidgin of what was experienced by someone else on the whole world's behalf. I'm thankful that no one ever has to endure that again. And when Easter morning gets here, I'll be ready.

Imagine that, ready for Easter and not a pink egg or chocolate bunny in sight!

Randoms

Just some random things that have been going through my head this week:

Hope
Back when I worked at ICYA, we did a lot of discussing about our organizational vision and values, and the most often discussed concept was HOPE.
Hope, we realized, was the missing ingredient in the inner city. It was missing from individual lives, from families, from schools, from every place frequented by our youth. It was missing from their relationships with peers, teachers, parents, and other community members. I've never forgotten those discussions about what a difference hope makes, and what a emptiness there is without it. I've realized that the presence of absence of Hope is significant to all of us.
This week, in my own life, I have rested in the HOPE I have simply because I'm a child of God. Some things have disappointed me, and some things have surprised me, and some things have saddened me .. and I've felt HOPE in all of it. Not immediately, but ultimately. Hope that comes from knowing that as I abide, His plan does come together. The reality that it seldom (ever?) ends up like I've envisioned it just makes the HOPE sweeter and maybe even deeper.

Cuts and Curls
The local salon in Hepburn is one of the best things about living in this town. I love it there! Its sort of like a tv show, a place where locals gather. One day I called the school and left a message for Owen to go for a haircut later. He went, and didn't pay, (he had money) saying that his mom would look after it later. I did go in later that day for a tan, and paid Owen's tab. I hardly ever go there without running into someone I know. (and I've only lived here for six months!) and no matter what, either Jackey or Leslie is always there and they are ALWAYS in a great mood, super-friendly and happy to see everyone! Another reason why Hepburn is unique and a great place to call home!

Leading
I think/read about leadership, and I found this quote recently as I navigated away from the Emerging Women site: (regarding The Road to Spiritual Authority and Leadership):

"It is not won by promotion, but by many prayers and tears. It is attained by confession of sin, and much heartsearching and humbling before God; by self-surrender, a courageous sacrifice of every idol, a bold uncomplaining embrace of the cross, and by an eternal, unfaltering looking unto Jesus crucified. It is not gained by seeking great things for ourselves, but like Paul, by counting those things that are gain to us as loss for Christ. This is a great price, but it must be paid by the leader who would not be merely a nominal but a real spiritual leader of men (and women), a leader whose power is recognized and felt in heaven, on earth, and in hell." - Samuel Brengle, Salvation Army (this text was quoted here)

Thanks for reading. Have a great week! Looking forward to seeing our Winnipeg friends and family in a couple of weeks, as we're heading out there for Easter in a couple of weeks!

an awesome saturday (by syd)

yesterday was great!
so ... on friday katelyn (bushman) slept over and in the morning we went to the hair salon and came back watched the grudge 2. then we went to the church to help for a funeral then we made choc milk and bradon (Owens friend) asked if he could have some and so we made some "concoction" of :

vinegar - cocoa - hot sauce - bbq sauce
and it was so funny when he drank it!!

then we went on a walk and for some odd reason we couldn't walk dexter and i let go of him and chased him all down main street it was strange. we came home and make milk shakes and home made oreos they were yummy -- it was a great day!:)

love u, god bless, from: syd

oroantral fistula (a post by Brendan... finally!!)

It's time I emerge. I had to kind of lay low after the Grey Cup, and now I'm back...with a weird kind of medical story of which I'm sure most of you have heard by now, but I'm telling it anyways.

It all started over a year ago when we still lived in Winnipeg. Man was I sick. I remember the first week that it really hit, I thought I just had a really bad flu and that I just needed a few days laying around watching movies. 6 months, 2 emergency room visits, countless doctor and specialists appointments and several courses of antibiotics later still no real progress. I was beginning to believe that it was all in my head (as did some others, including my doctor!) So we move to Saskatchewan in August and I'm not really feeling much better but I have decided that maybe this is life for me.

Fast forward to November, when Kelly informs me that it's time to go the dentist. When the doctor is examining my mouth I mention to her that I had gotten a root canal a couple of years earlier that I didn't think was done properly, so she took an extra x-ray and discovered that the root of that tooth was infected. I thought we found the problem and that all would be well after the molar was extracted. So we made an appointment for January and that was that.

I arrive at the dentist for my extraction and all goes well until...as she is rinsing the hole where the tooth was, the antiseptic was going up into my nose. She stopped, asked me to sit up and promptly told me that the infection had eaten a hole in the bone that separates the mouth from the sinus cavity and that it also eat through my sinus membrane and that I'd have to go see an oral surgeon. Two days later I had an appointment booked for a consultation.

I arrive at the surgeons office, ready for my consultation. They take me into the room and I immediately notice the tools and needles sitting on the tray. A nurse comes in and asks me if I'm allergic to Ibuprofen or penicillin. I'm starting to get nervous at this point ... this was only a consult wasn't it? If you know me at all, you know that I'm crapping my pants at this point.(sorry for the word crapping but it's only one of two words that fit the situation) So the dr. comes in and asks me to lay back so he can put the freezing in because he was going to do the surgery right away. At this point I ask what the surgery involves and he responds that I probably don't want to know until after and that I could have some laughing gas if I liked. I said no (of course) and all I heard was "I've never made any friends doing this" as he jabbed the needle into the roof of my mouth. Thirty minutes later he was done, and I was on my way to the car. Basically the dr. sliced a few layers of the roof of my mouth, folded it over the hole and stitched the skin down.

Three weeks later, one trip back to get my stitches redone, 20lbs lighter, and I finally ate something.

It's now been almost two months and man do I love eating again and besides the crater on the roof of my mouth, I feel good. Better than I have in a long, long time, actually.

Kissing

Go here for some good (local) laughs. Who knew Jeff was so funny?

remember, imagine

Cora Lynn posted about imagining ourselves in different lives. It got me thinking! What did I used to dream of?? What am I still dreaming of ??

• When I was a little girl, I thought I'd be an archaeologist. I really wanted to study old stuff and learn about how people used to live.
• I used to think I'd be an accountant in a big firm or organization. I envisioned myself focusing on organizational change, human resources, responsible fiscal management, and in general, being very clever. Making lots of money was also part of that plan.
• I used to think that I would live and work and love in the North End of Winnipeg forever. I thought if I loved every hurting family, gang member, or prostitute that I met, their hearts would change. I think I cried for two years when I stopped working in the North End.
• Stay at home mom. There's a job I've always wanted! I've always pictured a clean house, a much less rigid schedule, some varied volunteer work...getting down on paper that book I've been writing in my head for the last 10 years...
• My most craziest, unlikely dream? I'd love to own a combination coffee shop/bookstore/bed & breakfast. It even has a name... "The Resting Place". I know this little town that could really use one of those...

I also polled my family about what they want to be when they grow up.

Sydney's response: I want to be famous. Don't ask me what's gonna make me famous, I'm only 10. I have lots of time to decide.

Owen's response: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz (He's sleeping) But I know what he'd say: I want to be a skateboarder in a great rock band. (with Joey, Braden, and Ben... and Trev needs to learn keyboards!)

Brendan's response ( to the question "when you were a kid, what did you want to be when you grew up?" : An Executive Director in a Residential Group Home. (good thing, I guess!)

one of the greatest joys

One of the things I'm most thankful is my daughter. Sometimes I drive her crazy and nag like.. well, a mom... but for the most part we really get along. (unless there have been too many sleepovers!) We spend a lot of time in the kitchen, and she is becoming quite a little chef. She makes the guacamole we often snack on or bring to friends' homes, she often makes the dressing for our salads, and she is keen to help out peeling, chopping, grating or whatever needs doing in the kitchen. (well, not the dishes so much....)
She now uses the oven very handily, and loves to try new recipes.. last week she made a graham wafer chocolate cake that was sort of like a brownie and very good!
Today is just a day of realizing that Syd is pretty amazing, and I enjoy spending time with her more and more every day. We've had a couple of good talks lately and she is becoming wise now that she's more than a decade old!
Moms and daughters have a special bond... and I'm thankful for that bond to be getting deeper as we spend time together doing the boring stuff of life.
(moms and sons have a unique bond too! thats another post...)

'Til we Have Faces

I wasn't feeling well one day this week, so I stayed at home. After sleeping for a while, I realized that I could read a book! I have been on a strict diet of books related to the course I'm taking, but I wasn't in the mood for those. I remembered that I had borrowed 'Til we Have Faces' from Jessica, so I decided this was the day to read it!

WHAT A GREAT READ! I love CS Lewis, how he has such a great way of putting stories and characters together to make complicated concepts downright simple. The deeper meanings are always there, the parallels to scripture. Always eye-opening.

This story is a retelling of the myth of Psyche and Cupid. I had to google the story to learn the details, I don't remember learning this myth when we studied mythology in school. Although I do vividly remember that section of Gr. 9 English in Mrs. ... what was her name!!?? Brendan remembers her hitting him over the head with a particularly poorly done assignment.. first name was Linda... used to sit in her car at lunch and smoke... What was her name?!?!? anyway, we digress.. she taught us Mythology, but not Cupid and Psyche.

Til we Have Faces is mostly a love story - but not in the traditional sense; its not a romance, but a story that makes us think about Love. ... how evil tries to make it ugly, how there are so many incorrect interpretations of love, how the deepest love is embodied in the selflessness and sacrifice that is always part of it..

I wanted to believe that the title "Til we Have Faces" was somehow a take on I Cor. 13:

We know only a portion of the truth, and what we say about God is always incomplete.

But when the Complete arrives, our incompletes will be canceled. v.10

It's not though, I read that the book was originally supposed to have an entirely different title, but the Publishing Co. didn't like it, so it became TWHF.

I'd like to include some quotes, I think I'll update this post later with some. I can't right now, since I'm at the office and the book is not at the office.

interesting data

... felt compelled to jot down some of these stats I'm reading today.. stuff to chew on;

from Macleans Jan 21st issue (article called 'How to Fix Boys')
"The most startling change between teenage culture today and 30 years ago is the way more and more teenage boys have moved away from the courtship of girls. Online pornography has displaced the pursuit of real girls for a significant number of boys."

and;

"The pornography of 30 years ago was Playboy .. boys today can watch pornographic material on 50", high definition flat screens - engaging them in an entirely different way. Today, its common for boys to prefer pornography to the real thing: stating that girls are too demanding, they want you to do stuff, they cost too much money, a porn site is $12.95/month and the girls on it are prettier."
From an interview with Leonard Sax, a child development expert who wrote 'Boys Adrift'

How about this comment on our consumptive patterns?
Quoted in an article about the effects of advertising; 'The Distorted Mirror' by Richard Pollay. (in the Journal of Marketing)
(referring to the unintended consequences of advertising from a National Science Foundation review of the effects of advertising on children)
"encouragement of unsafe behavious, confused assessment of products, encouragement of inappropriate standards of choice, promotion of parent-child conflict, modeling of hazardous behaviour, reinforment of (gender) stereotypes, cynicism, and selfishness. "

...most fascinating of all was that the above quote about children and advertising was written in 1978 back when wage earning adults were the target of advertising campaigns. Wonder what studies reveal now that most marketing strategies target children and adolescents?

... ahhh, community!

I noticed that one of my Facebook friends recently had the status; "Liza is thinking about community... what does it really mean?" I've thought alot about community, especially when I taught the Sunday School class about it last year at KPAC ... we humans are strange creatures in that we crave community like crazy, and simultaneously put up all sorts of walls and electric fences to prevent it from truly happening in our lives.


We're part of a small group through our church, and I know we're blessed to be part of this little community. Last night, we watched the video in the series we're studying, and while I have no real problem with the video facilitator, yesterday I was just having a real struggle to connect his generalisations with my experiences. It's been a rough go with the kids lately, wonderful as they are, and there just isn't a lot of respectfulness and obedience happening at our place. I was hearing (and the video may not have actually been saying this, but its what I heard!) that there is this easy formula of loving parents creating stability and boundaries which results in responsible, respectful kids. I sat there quietly with this inner angst about it, and when someone actually invited me to participate in the post-video discussion, I about spilled over with this frustration I had been trying to keep inside! I felt like the speaker was making it sound oh-so-simple, and it just isn't! And it was safe to let my frustration spill out ... because I was in a safe place of real community. And it was good to 'let it all hang out' and feel not judgement, but support.

I experienced community again with my friend Sheryl today at lunch today as she allowed me to spill it all (and more!) again... community, especially true, loving, challenging community, is a great gift. I'm not sure we can get where we're meant to go without it.

I later talked to another coworker, who challenged me to reconsider some of my struggles, and then to my sister, Lorrie ... and each little piece of 'community' helped me to feel safe, cared for and provided real insight and wisdom. (and no one just said what I wanted to hear, but they somehow knew what I needed to hear!)

I'm thankful to be in community with people who remind me of what I can so easily forget or overlook.

And I'm especially thankful to God, who is sovereign over it all, and who doesn't stop forgiving me for being as frustrated and forgetful as I so often am. What 'community' does best of all is point me to Him.

A side note:
Owen noticed this little toy in one of my clothes drawers tonight, I've kept it safe for several years. It was perfect timing for the tangible reminder I needed.

This little motorbike was Owen's FAVORITE toy at Grandma's when we'd visit there. We'd regularly go for Sunday dinner, and my little toddler-genius would walk in the door and run for the box where the toys were kept and dump it out in search of the 'geen bike'. Then he'd keep it with him all night, standing it up by his plate while he ate. And then we'd try to remove the bike from his tightly clenched, grubby, ketchup-y fist and he'd insist on bringing it home. To which we'd remind him that there were only a few toys at grandma's, but LOTS of toys at home; so the bike had to stay at grandma's. (he was our first child, so, yes, we did try to reason with a toddler!) The bike would be left behind, and the whole scene would be played out again one week later.

Somehow, the bike did eventually end up at our house, and somehow I put it away in a clothes drawer for safekeeping. I'm glad O noticed it today, and I'm really glad to remember my sweet little boy playing with sweet little toys.

a glimpse into the research...

I'm working on this course called 'Everyday Spirituality' and am really enjoying the lectures and reading. I'm pretty nervous about the assignments, mostly because my post secondary endeavors (which were many moons ago!) have focused on things like accounting and statistics; the kinds of courses where there is only one right answer. Can I really do this? Time will tell....

Anyway, for the paper I'll be writing on Rural Spirituality, I've been reading some essays by Wendell Berry. He's pretty radical, but I've been chewing on some of his ideas all day.
Here are a couple of examples:

(from an essay called A Remarkable Man, about Nate Shaw, a black farmer from Alabama wrongly imprisoned in the 1930's)

"... he burdens us with his character. Not just with his testimony, or with his actions, but with his character, in the fullest possible sense of the word. Here is a superior man who never went to school! ...." what a trial in fact that is for us, and how guilty it proves us; we think it ordinary to spend twelve or sixteen or twenty years of a person's life and many thougsands of public dollars on "education" - and not a dime or thought on character. Of course, it is preposterous to suppose that character could be cultivated by any sort of public program. Persons of character are not public products, They are made by local cultures, local responsibilities. That we have so few such persons does not suggest that we ought to start character workshops in schools. It does suggest that 'up' may be the wrong direction." (emphasis mine)

And..

"The organized church makes peace with a destructive economy and divorces itself from economic issues because it is economically compelled to do so. Like any other public institution so organized, the organized church is dependent on 'the economy'; it cannot survive apart from those economic practices that its truth forbids and that its vocation is to correct. If it comes to a choice between the extermination of the fowls of the air and the lilies of the field and the extermination of a building fund, the organized church will elect - indeed, has already elected - to save the building fund. The irony is compounded and made harder to bear by the fact that the building fund can be preserved by crude applications of money, but the fowls of the air and the lilies of the field can be preserved only by true religion, by the practice of a proper love and respect for them as creatures of God. No wonder so many sermons are devoted exclusively to 'spiritual' subjects..."
(from an essay called God and Country)

Not sure I could ever live up to Mr. Berry's ideals and practices; but its sure been interesting reading! Another interesting essay is called Why I will not use a Computer - not sure what to make of that one! :o)

who's wagging what?

I'm pretty certain that we're not alone in feeling like family life is a more than a little chaotic with adolescents. Some days it feels like the tail is wagging the dog! (or more crudely (aptly?) stated: the inmates are running the asylum!) Every day brings new challenges and what we figured out yesterday no longer applies.

(flickr.com)

Can I leave that with you?

Delegation is a great thing, although I can't say I'm an expert at employing it. It's generally a last resort option for me... I will pull others into a project or task when I start to have a feeling like I'm drowing. Why do I put it off? ... I don't want to burden people! I want to believe that I can do more than I can! I don't know exactly... its an auto-response to try to do it all myself first.
When I do delegate to others, I tend to say something like: "Can I leave this with you?" (as in a project or task.) I realized tonight the freedom there is in knowing that we CAN leave all things with God. There's no wondering if He's too busy, if He'll condemn us because we should have managed our time better, there's simply no second guessing. We pray and its done. The answer is always : "Please do! That was my intention all along!"

Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock.

Note re: previous post; I finally got the pictures on! I'm still having trouble with photos on blogger, but I figured it out!

Winter in Hepburn

It might be because its all new to me, but I've been feeling like Hepburn is exceptionally pretty in the winter time. I called my friend Gloria up last weekend, and we went for a walk around town and I took some photos.... so here they are.

okay, well the tool bar that allows me to add photos has disappeared, I guess thats a message to go do the laundry. I'll try to put those photos up later today or tonight.

Has anyone else noticed that google products are all messed up since i.google was introduced??!?!?



UPDATE: Photos!


When these photos were taken it was a gorgeous day, a bit chilly, but fine for a brisk walk. The hoar frost lingered for days!
Now, its quite a bit colder! I walked to work today and my scarf froze to my face.. I think the temp with the wind chill was -37!

Everything in moderation

We're doing a series on Christ's "I am" statements at church... I love reading the selected passages as we go through a series. Last week we read John 8 and 9, and the focus was on Jesus' statement "I am the Light of the World".
The gospels are such 'easy reading', story after story, some humor and daily life stuff. But I don't read them that often... because I hear the voices and cynicism and legalism of the Pharisees and there's a little too much identification going on... Maybe I read them as little as I read Proverbs 31, even.
This read through of John is showing me that I struggle with the idea of moderation and extremes... I would like to have no 'extremes' in my life and be balanced, moderate, calm... all the time. And I know I've judged others for being 'extreme' in some way... you know, they're over the top, 'too much'. ... I don't want to be like them, I want to be moderate, easy, likeable!
It struck me today how ridiculous I am... I am a Christ follower, and his relationships weren't moderate and his conversations were subtle; He was extreme to the extreme. Why is this idea of quiet, subtle moderation something I think I always need to work on? Why do I want to do away with the 'extremes' in me, in others?
Thats the thing about reading the gospels -- I realize how much of a Pharisee I am .... and as I read, I hear the words of "How Deep the Father's Love" -

Behold the man upon the cross

My sin upon His shoulder

Ashamed I hear my mocking voice

Call out among the scoffers

It was my sin that held Him there

Until it was accomplished

Jesus then said, "I came into the world to bring everything into the clear light of day, making all the distinctions clear, so that those who have never seen will see, and those who have made a great pretense of seeing will be exposed as blind." John 9:39 (the message)

Tagged!

I've been tagged by Sheryl.
The rules of the game:
• Link to the person that tagged you and post the rules on your blog.
• Share 7 random and/or weird facts about yourself on your blog, as we all want to know them.
• Tag 7 random people at the end of your post and include links to their blogs.
• Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.

7 Random Things About ME:

1. I am list crazy. I make lists of my lists, and I get a bit frantic when I don't have a list to tell me what I'm supposed to be doing.
2. I can count on one hand the number of times I've driven my car since I moved to Saskatchewan.
3. Instead using the treadmill today, I did Dance Dance Revolution for 30 minutes. It was fun, except I had trouble concentrating for fear someone might see me.
4. This will only be admitted ONCE. I whine a bit when I'm ill. If anyone (at home) asks me anything at all, the answer is: "I'm sick." As in: "Mom, do we have any tuna?" ... "I'm sick". "Kelly, can you answer the phone? "... "I'm sick". "Should we watch the news?" ... "I'm sick".
5. My husband is doing the supper dishes while I do this. He thinks I'm working. He also made supper. I have a few guilty feelings...
6. I really like accounting.
7. I really can't think of anything else. See #6.

I'm tagging:
Paul
Cora Lynn
Melanie
Kelly P.
Shelley

5 is the best I can do... I just don't know that many bloggers!

One of each

I've harrassed Bren and O to post something, but to no avail. Owen almost did, but then I got distracted and he wasn't interested later. We try to get something new on here once/week, so here goes. What to post? We've tended towards three variations of posts:

1. Random, obscure sorts of posts about not much at all

2. Posts that are insightful, spiritual, an attempt to provoke thought or inspire; cause our readers say hmmmm...

3. Sharing about our day to day experiences.

Today, here is 'one of each':

Something random - It's worth attending Bethany just for the cafeteria. Never mind that there are great faculty and the community is amazing.. the food is awesome! Every Friday Baked Oatmeal is served for breakfast. This delightful meal is totally new to me! I've actually only gotten it twice, but those were tasty Fridays!! Sydney had some friends sleep over last night, so we tried Baked Oatmeal for brunch this morning. It was a hit!

I'll put the recipe at the end of this post in case anyone is interested in trying Baked Oatmeal for themselves.

Something 'deeper' - Thinking and reading about Mary over Christmas has inspired me; it says a couple of times in Luke that she "treasured these things and pondered them in her heart" in response to situations related to being the mother of Jesus. She didn't know the magnitude of all that being the mother of the Messiah meant, but she sure knew this was no ordinary boy she was raising. What does it mean that she treasured things in her heart? How did Luke know that she did this? Why don't any of the other storytellers, maybe Matthew, communicate that little bit of info? What does it look like for me, having motherhood in common with Mary, albeit of a couple of just regular kids, to 'treasure these things in my heart'? Whatever it means, it includes noticing, remembering, praying, ... those are some of the best privileges of being a mom. I was glad to notice Mary a little more this year, to think about her more.

Something from our day to day life - Games, games, games... Owen and Syd are thrilled that we have not played Settlers at all over the holidays! Last year was the year of Settlers, to the point that both kids roll their eyes and run when I suggest a game! However, we have been playing a couple of other games - Scattergories and Cranium are big hits lately. We also got Canasta, a new card game for Christmas. Looking forward to playing that one together; maybe tonight!

Baked Oatmeal (an Inn-keeers recipe from About. com)

Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes

3 cups oatmeal
3/4 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup margarine
2 eggs
2 cups milk
2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

A handful of chocolate chips or raisins if desired.
Preparation:Preheat oven to 375 degrees.
Mix all ingredients together and pour into 13 x 9 inch buttered pan.
Bake at 375 degrees for 25 minutes.

Cut the baked oatmeal into squares, serve with warmed milk, a little more brown sugar, raisins or cranberries or with fresh fruit.
The innkeeper also likes to add dried fruits and nuts and pour into small ramekins for baking and serving individually. Enjoy!