We all have them, right? Days when nothing goes right, and the world seems bleaker than the day before? (Isn't it amazing how often the weather is actually bleaker on those days too?)
I've got this transparency commitment that I made to myself. I refuse to succumb to the temptation to fake it. So, on days like today, a supreme-o Oscar-fest (as in the guy who lives in a garbage can on Sesame Street), if you ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: grouchy. No, Grouchy. And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you that, too.
But, I'm having second thoughts. I'm philosophical about it all of a sudden. Maybe we should fake it. Maybe I'm not rejoicing in my circumstances if I'm grumpy. Maybe I shouldn't ever get grumpy. (if that's the case, then I'm a real mess!) Maybe I'm lacking a thankful heart when I'm a grouch. And maybe sharing that doesn't honor God. (Ouch.)
My transparency commitment is a result of all the dishonest communication I've observed in my life. People just aren't honest with each other, and it seems like it would be so much better if we just told each other the truth instead of conforming to this unwritten social code that has never been written down but everyone knows and follows.
And, I'm just as open about the great things.. if you catch me on an Elmo day (as in the red guy on Sesame Street who is always learning, giggling, and is generally intoxicatingly happy) and ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: Great!
And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you just what I'm thrilled about or thankful for.
Are these ups and downs because I'm female? Should I make it a goal to be more stable so this is a non issue?
And if being more transparent is the way to go, then what is the right response to someone who tells you they're grumpy?
Well, I'll tell how both how I respond to others and the response I appreciate. Actually, they're the same... just acknowledge it. You know, a hug, a smile, a few words of encouragement, a quick phone call later in the day.
But really, I'm interested in what YOU think... should we be honest with each other, or not?
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Ever wonder why the title: Never the Same Page? Brendan and I started the blog together, and what is the truest thing about us? We are almost never on the same page about things. We are as opposite as opposites get. TomAto, TomAHto... but we decided a long time ago not to call the whole thing off :)
don't forget to update your link if you have one.
Thanks for reading!
Ever wonder why the title: Never the Same Page? Brendan and I started the blog together, and what is the truest thing about us? We are almost never on the same page about things. We are as opposite as opposites get. TomAto, TomAHto... but we decided a long time ago not to call the whole thing off :)
13 comments:
please, on THOSE days, make an effort to fake it. we will all be better off.
hmmm.... Well, I think the way to go is with Honesty. Simply because, I know you and you really are transparent... when you are happy, everyone knows it! You are not simply trying to be Honest when you feel like crap. So I think that when you do feel down, you owe it to your friends to be real, and we owe it to you to really care and listen:) I hope tomorrow is better. I agree that some sunshine would defenitely make a good mood easier to come by.
Hey Kelly!
Just wanted to say that I think people should definately be honest. I have a hard time faking it but I'm trying to be happy and content in all circumstances. We need to keep things into perspective and realize that we are here for one purpose - relationship - and all the other stuff in life are extra things we have to work at to keep ourselves from being idle and be disciplined, but it should not be our main focus or create our happiness. Does this make sense? Not sure if I'm saying what's exactly in my head!
you can always fake being happy around me, i will not be offended.
Cory and Dianne,
thanks for commenting. Glad you like the honesty! ANd perspective is such a great thing.
Duke of Hepburn: I have no words.
kelly
I also think honesty about how your feeling is the best way to go. Sometimes we just need people to get in the mud and wallow with us for awhile. Then we realize the blessings around us and can go on. When we open up and are honest we get far more respect than when we are not real. Not being real always comes back to bite us in some way, so let's be real and wallow with one another... just for a little while! :)
I to think honesty is the best way to go about it, as long as it doesn't become one's prerogative to make others grumpy!
Ahhh the ups and downs just keep getting steeper... my poor family!
I think there is a time and a place for honesty. If you are at work, keep professionalism going. With friends and family, its a different story. During working hours, you dont want to be distinguishable as a woman (mood swings). Picture a man acting the way women sometimes do around the house while they are throwing a fit... it's kinda funny. Men just dont do that. Women should never let this side be seen at work. I also think there is a big difference between saying, "I'm having a really busy day" compared to "I'm falling apart and I dont know how to deal"
Sorry if this isnt the opinion you wanted to hear.
Good input Lisa!! I think women feel that they have the right to be a mess (tooo often) rather than deal with their emotions in a proper manner. We have tooo many excuses for being grumpy.
I have to say that I agree with Lisa that there is a time and place for it but yes I do agree that being transparent is important. Something I think about is how I would react to the situation if I wasn't grumpy and if it would be different I usually keep my mouth shut.
As for people being dishonest I agree that stinks but I know for myself I try really hard to pick my battles so if something bothers me but its not worth getting into then I just leave it. Is that wrong?
Hope you are having better days. And I agree with Dianne you really are a transparent person and I admire that about you. Take care!
All these comments are fun! I think the consensus seems to be that there is a place for honesty, but its not every place.. Good insights!!
Its encouraging to see transparency valued and affirmed, too.
kelly
I say take it out on Brendan! :)
Umm, I am not sure how I feel about this??? Yeah right!
I think I need a lesson sometimes on timing but I agree I have WAYYYY more respect for people who are not affraid to make themselves vulnerable. If you ask someone how they are doing you should be ready to hear the honest answer no matter what the setting. Being snappy and rude is not being real it's having low self control being real is being able to say what you mean and mean what you say! We should all do that all the time... That is what I think, although I know that won't happen here on earth. I must say one of the things I look forward to the most once I am in heaven~ only real relationships and honesty ahhh.
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