Lenten Journey (kelly)

I usually try to observe lent in some way. The purpose isn't to give up something, but to have a deeper identification with Christ's journey to the cross. Very early this season, I was not feeling very lent-like. I was searching within myself for sombre feelings, but instead kept bumping into these jubilant, buoyant feelings. It was like the inside of me was saying :"I know the end of the story! Easter is coming! All is well, there is a Redeemer and I'm redeemed!" But I still kept looking within, wanting to connect with the Redeemer's journey somehow.

Well, it wasn't immediate, but after very few days, those buoyant, joyful feelings were gone. Disappeared! All of a sudden I was trying to re-connect with those emotions and I couldn't hardly remember them! I felt like I was sinking deeper and deeper, farther from joy. My prayers felt empty, unanswered, and things in my days were definitely darker. There was a heaviness that I just couldn't escape. It lasted until recently, when I've slowly started to feel more like myself, and I've had a sense of connecting with God again, which I really missed!

This morning it dawned on me: my lenten prayer was answered.. I did journey towards Easter with some concept of sorrow and grief. Even some doubt. I know my griefs and sorrows are not much compared to what Jesus faced as He moved toward the cross, but I definitely have a deeper sense of his progression, and I have a little, wee taste of what abandonment he felt as the Father turned His face away.

Joy is returning, but I am so thankful for an opportunity to experience a smidgin of what was experienced by someone else on the whole world's behalf. I'm thankful that no one ever has to endure that again. And when Easter morning gets here, I'll be ready.

Imagine that, ready for Easter and not a pink egg or chocolate bunny in sight!