Who knew?

I've been embarrassed about our 'weed bed' since we moved to Hepburn. There are all sorts of pristine yards, avid gardeners, amazing home-makers living in our town.. We live on possibly the highest traffic corner of Hepburn, and we have this mess of a thing right in everyone's line of sight as they come into town. To make it worse, our shed doors are always open, revealing the mess of carp (that's the Hepburn version of 'crap') for all to see. It's such an intimidating mess, and I haven't had energy or brain-space to contemplate making it right. Brendan would say "huh? what mess?", so he's not much help either.

A few days ago, I was quite shocked to discover that my weedbed is not actually that bad ...

It's a sea of daisies. I had heard that it was once a wildflower garden, but we didn't live here to see the daisies last year. Hmmmm .....

I made the connection to something I've been dwelling on this week: uniformity. (Maybe conformity? not sure.) Jeff (our awesome pastor) talked last week about the kind of spirituality Christians sometimes practice. It's sort of this accessory to our life. I had used a similar description in a paper I wrote on marriage spirituality. Jeff described a spirituality that is 'picked up' in order to live out our faith. We take it along with us as we move through life. He illustrated this point with various shapes and sizes of suitcases, one marked with the word 'christian spirituality'. A hurried person walked along, observed the 'Christianity' case, liked it, and picked it up. But it jostled everything else he was carrying, and a couple of other things had to be left behind in order to manage it all. That sounds about right. I know that was my early understanding of faith lived out. The appeal is that the accessories are uniform ... Mine might be smaller or bigger than yours, yours might be browner or pinker than mine, but they're really quite similar. The analogy in practice is that our faith expressions are so similar to one another ... we go to church, we read the right books, we believe the right things, we accept and reject the same things, we use a consistent language to talk about our spirituality.

But is our with-god life really supposed to be something we carry around with us? Or is it already inside of us? If so, then it's not so uniform, maybe. Then it might look really different from you to me and still be okay. Then, maybe, just maybe, its not about what I do (practice disciplines, have devotions, pray right, believe right , ......) but who I am? or yikes... how I am?

Before I get back to how the garden of weeds reminded me of this, a reflection.

I struggled so hard at first when working in the inner city. I met these people, these families that were so broken. Kids had been apprehended from their parents. Men weren't around - lots of times they were in jail, or just inconsistently involved. Drugs being bought and sold, used, right under my nose. At first, I wanted to fix these families. I figured, we've got it figured out, us suburbanites. Clean houses and yards, decent paying jobs, complete families, SUCCESS... I just needed to help my new friends figure it out. I had no shortage of determination to do just that. After a while, though, they still weren't figuring it out.

I decided I needed to work harder, clearly, I was failing at this being a Christian Missionary thing. A funny thing happened, though. Spending time with these people I wanted to fix caused me to do something weird. I started to love them... and I saw their scars, I even felt their pain. And I realized that while everything wasn't right in their homes and families... everything wasn't wrong, either. There was beauty in their laughter, in their trust, in their generosity, in their acceptance of a funny little french girl who knocked on the door to chat every week. (okay, so I'm not so little, and I often didn't knock.) It took a while, but I realized a few things: wanting them to be like me was wrong. Thinking that I had the answers was wrong. Being blind to what I could learn from them was wrong. All these wrongs made me really judgemental. All those plans for them from the society they're part of is probably a big part of why things are the way they are. All those things were like accessories that I thought their lives should have. And because my faith was something that I carried with me (if I'd had my devotions that morning), I wanted to share that great accessory with them most of all. I wanted them to like it and pick it up and take it with them just like I had.

Eventually, I realized that they could love God like I do.. and still be so broken that they make some pretty bad life choices. After a while I realized that my bad life choices might look nicer (idolizing/coveting nice yards or homes, for example), but while I justified it in my heart and mind over and over again, I was committing the sin of not loving my neighbor by being judgemental . In God's eyes, I am not better. I'm going to type that again... In God's eyes, I'm not better ... than someone who is struggling with a drug addiction or a promiscuous lifestyle. It's basic, but I don't know why I need such frequent reminders of this profound truth.

that weed bed is a little sea of daisies for a couple of weeks in June. The rest of the time, its a mess. Today, I decided that I'm not going to use the round up I bought at Home Depot last week. I'm going to keep that messy weed bed around, and hopefully be reminded that having daisies for two weeks every year is enough. And being sometimes beautiful and sometimes not is all any of us has to offer.

Grumpy days

We all have them, right? Days when nothing goes right, and the world seems bleaker than the day before? (Isn't it amazing how often the weather is actually bleaker on those days too?)

I've got this transparency commitment that I made to myself. I refuse to succumb to the temptation to fake it. So, on days like today, a supreme-o Oscar-fest (as in the guy who lives in a garbage can on Sesame Street), if you ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: grouchy. No, Grouchy. And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you that, too.

But, I'm having second thoughts. I'm philosophical about it all of a sudden. Maybe we should fake it. Maybe I'm not rejoicing in my circumstances if I'm grumpy. Maybe I shouldn't ever get grumpy. (if that's the case, then I'm a real mess!) Maybe I'm lacking a thankful heart when I'm a grouch. And maybe sharing that doesn't honor God. (Ouch.)

My transparency commitment is a result of all the dishonest communication I've observed in my life. People just aren't honest with each other, and it seems like it would be so much better if we just told each other the truth instead of conforming to this unwritten social code that has never been written down but everyone knows and follows.

And, I'm just as open about the great things.. if you catch me on an Elmo day (as in the red guy on Sesame Street who is always learning, giggling, and is generally intoxicatingly happy) and ask me how I am, I'm likely to tell you: Great!
And if you ask me why, I'll likely tell you just what I'm thrilled about or thankful for.

Are these ups and downs because I'm female? Should I make it a goal to be more stable so this is a non issue?

And if being more transparent is the way to go, then what is the right response to someone who tells you they're grumpy?
Well, I'll tell how both how I respond to others and the response I appreciate. Actually, they're the same... just acknowledge it. You know, a hug, a smile, a few words of encouragement, a quick phone call later in the day.

But really, I'm interested in what YOU think... should we be honest with each other, or not?

a little break for dreamin'

So, its Saturday afternoon and it's gorgeous outside, and I'm sitting at work doing the budget for next year. I like doing budgets.. and I love to work lots .. (probably unhealthily so...) but today I'm kinda wishing this was done. I'm hitting a bit of a wall after a few hours of staring at spreadsheets, so I figured I'd take a break.

I'm sitting at my desk dreaming of going to Otter Falls in a few short weeks.... Otter Falls is a little resort area on Dorothy Lake? Eleanor Lake? Not sure, but it's in the Whiteshell, which is a provincial park on the Manitoba/Ontario border. My three sisters and our families, and our dad, head out there for the first week in July every year. We rent two side by side cabins, equipped with hot tubs and a view.. we're surrounded by water on three sides. If we don't want to swim right at our cabin, there are at least 4 nice beaches within a short drive or long-ish bike ride.

The TransCanada trail is going through the Whiteshell, so its nice to see that develop a little each year. After a massive storm in May last year, there were still fallen trees along the path I like to ride my bike on, it was an adventure!

Our week of vacation includes lots of reading, eating, visiting, bike riding, strolls, and even a shopping trip into Lac du Bonnet. (anglicized to be 'lack-de-bonnie by Manitobans!) Last year I bought my interview dress for Bethany in Lac du Bonnet... at a skateboard shop! (I hope it starts to fit again soon....!!)


Anyway, here are a couple of shots of previous holidays at Otter Falls... the first one is the whole fam out for ice cream, and the second one is of a bunch of cousins enjoying the hot tub. The pic at the top of the post is of one of my favorite brothers :o) .. He was fishing at dusk, that is right outside of the cabin. Nice, hey?

The best part of this little holiday is spending time with family!

a personalized/paraphrased prayer to start the week..

God in heaven
help us to know who you really are
and to truly worship you
make us to see the Truth
and make our world more full of you and your goodness
give us all that we need
and help us to recognize that more than that is not better
keep forgiving us, even though we understand so little of what that means
grow our ability to forgive eachother, make us gracious, loving, and open
lead us closer and closer to you, and protect us from the evil one
protect us from the selfishness within us - show us what wholeness really is.
You are our King.

untitled

Life continues at a steady pace for us... here's some of what we're up to;

Our little girl turns 11 tomorrow.. can't believe how fast the time has gone by!  she has changed so much since we moved to Hepburn.  The dr. actually said she thinks Syd is as tall as she'll ever be.  I doubt that, but couldn't believe it might  be true!

Bren and O are off to Edmonton for YC tomorrow.  I think Bren plans to have  mustache for the weekend. Ick.  They will have lots of fun together. 

Karen and Bry visited hepburn last weekend, it was awesome!  I took Eryka on a few little walks, she even wandered over to the Jeschkes to give her cousins a good night kiss on Saturday night.  It is so good to share our life here with family from Winnipeg.  The only un-awesome thing about the visit was Bry's mustache.  (is there a theme here?)  he's growing it for the grad photos for the training he'll soon be finishing, but I could hardly look at him without laughing.  We all held the baby lots, I'm sure she is now accustomed to being held and won't let Karen put her down all week.  On Sunday, we visited the crooked bush and the big tree, SK landmarks  :o)  Then we had ice cream in Blaine Lake.

Bren is enjoying work. After a board meeting this week, he was commenting on how supported he has felt in his role.

A new finance person will be starting next week at Bethany, and we're exploring a couple of options for some other open positions too - its very exciting to think of having some of the vacancies that have been around for a while filled.  I told someone today that my office may soon have an aura of calm productivity instead of disorganized chaos.  I hope......

Thanks for staying in touch with us and reading.   

Here's a 'hmmmmm' from earlier this week:

"(We) enter churches with the same mind-set as when we enter the shopping mall - 

to get something that will please us or satisfy an appetite or need. 

 John Calvin saw the human heart as a relentlessly efficient factory for producing idols.  

With the development of assembly-line mass production, 

we are putting these idols out in great quantities ... 

to suit every taste. John Calvin's insight plus 

Henry Ford's technology equals North American Religion." 

Peterson, Living the Message

A Modern Psalm?

Disclaimer: This is meant to be funny, so please don't be offended!

Bethany had the first of two spring planning meetings last week. One of our tasks while in small groups was to compose a psalm. Here is one example:

A Psalm of X's group

(When they were in the Valley of the Mall surrounded by black boulders)
-for the strategic planner

O Lord, how lovely is the spring time, a time for missions, visions and core values.
Lord have mercy, we are mired in the bog of SWOT
but in your kindness we are surrounded by many strengths,

like sweet honey flowing from a beard.
We confess our communications weaknesses but, by your grace,

we are overwhelmed by countless opportunities.
O Lord, in your mercy remove the threats around us,
And now Lord may the visions of our leaders and the

measurable outcomes of our planning be acceptable in your sight.

[black boulders = leather furniture :o)]

...And some people think strategic planning is no fun!

...some of the greatest people

... in the whole world live in Hepburn. Yup, I'm sure of it.

I just read Gil's most recent post; check it out here. Gil has this awesome way of making complicated things sound easy, thats probably why he is such a great teacher and is so appreciated by the students.

Earlier today, I had lunch with Neil, and we had great conversation about many interesting and diverse topics - like Canadian immigration and driving halfway to Pluto to buy lawn tractors.

Prior to that I met with one of the department heads at Bethany and we had a really helpful chat that inspired me. She makes multi tasking and keeping things organized look like a walk in the park on a sunny day. Our meeting ended with prayer and left me feeling like Someone much bigger than us had ordained our time together.

The day ended with some great encouragement from my new boss, Rick. I'm learning a lot from him and appreciate him more all the time.

I also had a great conversation with Wayne today, he doesn't actually live in Hepburn, he was my boss in Winnipeg. He's been undergoing cancer treatment for the past few months, and he called to let me know that the most recent scan revealed NO signs of cancer. He was pretty thrilled to be sharing that news!

So it was a great day of realizing how blessed I am/we are, how great it is to be in relationship with other people, as different as we all are.